i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i out mim tonsoeep
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
