**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
