Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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