Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
