3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
