I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
