"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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