Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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