when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
