Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
