Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We're too hungover to prance.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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