You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
