So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
