Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
