"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
