Who wears a wallet chain?!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
