so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
