omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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