Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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