addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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