my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
