mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
