i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
