sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
