That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
