He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
