hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
