I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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