My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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