So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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