So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
