I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize