two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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