Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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