Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
