i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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