why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
