I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
