When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
