Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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