I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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