I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize