if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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