I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
