im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
