Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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