i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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