and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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