You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
