Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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