I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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