i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
