Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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