I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
