rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
