i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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