just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
