is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
MIDGETS
????
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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