based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
