Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
