Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
