i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
