is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
