We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
