I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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