The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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