i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
