Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
