The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
