zippers are such a cool invention
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
