So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
