sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
