I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
