Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
