i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
