The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
