Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
