i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
