I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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