Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
