you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize