I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
