True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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