Nicole vs. Life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
