its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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