Girls should come with a carfax report
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
