If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
