he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
