Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
