he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
