I wannas sexs uuuuu
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
