it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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