i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
