Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
