you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize