when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
