I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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